198.6 lbs 177.2 lbs
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
The number seven
179.4 lbs on the bathroom scale this morning. The number seven was a sight for sore eyes.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Frustrated: the girl in the mirror
This morning I stepped on the scale which read 182.4 pounds. I was thrilled! I got dressed, looked in the mirror, felt great. Over my lunch break I decided to go to Kohl's to try on a few dresses since I got a gift card from dh for Christmas. I figured I could get two and wear them to work, and maybe for Lily's upcoming baptism in February.
I suddenly didn't feel so great anymore. I tried on three dresses and was devastated. I looked at my lumpy body in the three full length mirrors in the dressing room. I saw my wiggly varicose veins in all their post pregnancy glory worming their way across my calves and thighs. I saw the rolls of flesh and the back fat spilling over my bra band. I put the dresses on the fitting room rack and made it to my car before the hot tears streaked my cheeks.
I was a fat kid and always had to shop in the pretty plus section. In today's vocabulary I met the requirements for childhood obesity, but at that time the word didn't exist. I knew I had to wear bigger clothes then, but I was never disgusted or repulsed by my body. Today was the first day I ever remember feeling this way. Three minutes in front of three full length mirrors took me from on top of the world to serious self loathing.
I pulled myself together and went back to work. But I'm still perplexed. How is it that I went back to work a size 16, have lost 20 pounds since then, and am still a size 16? At the rate I'm going, I'll get back to my pre-baby weight and still be a size 16.
Just needed to rant to get it out of my system. Tomorrow will be better.
I suddenly didn't feel so great anymore. I tried on three dresses and was devastated. I looked at my lumpy body in the three full length mirrors in the dressing room. I saw my wiggly varicose veins in all their post pregnancy glory worming their way across my calves and thighs. I saw the rolls of flesh and the back fat spilling over my bra band. I put the dresses on the fitting room rack and made it to my car before the hot tears streaked my cheeks.
I was a fat kid and always had to shop in the pretty plus section. In today's vocabulary I met the requirements for childhood obesity, but at that time the word didn't exist. I knew I had to wear bigger clothes then, but I was never disgusted or repulsed by my body. Today was the first day I ever remember feeling this way. Three minutes in front of three full length mirrors took me from on top of the world to serious self loathing.
I pulled myself together and went back to work. But I'm still perplexed. How is it that I went back to work a size 16, have lost 20 pounds since then, and am still a size 16? At the rate I'm going, I'll get back to my pre-baby weight and still be a size 16.
Just needed to rant to get it out of my system. Tomorrow will be better.
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